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From Combat Zone to Love at Home also addresses some of these issues.  These links, not included in the book, are for your enjoyment and education.  If you know of other sites you would like included Email me.

 You are here:  AllExperts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of K-6 Children > Parenting K-6 Kids

behavior at home what can I do?

Expert: Debbie Preece - 6/24/2009

Question
My 6 year old's behavior at home is getting not only out of control but what I feel dangerous. He sneaks around at night and eats food in the kitchen, anything he can find including leftovers that are ready for the trash and even gets in the trash. I cant let him go to the bathroom by himself, bc if I do he will sneak and drink out of the toilet or the bathtub regardless of how much he's had to drink already. If I don't supervise him while he's washing his hands he will eat the toothpaste or like I caught him the other day doing drink the glade plug-in air freshener liquids. He doesn't like me watching his every move, but refuses to stop getting into everything. Now he has started picking times when I'm busy doing something like eating, going to the bathroom myself, or showering to decide he has to pee. If I ask him to wait until I'm done like if I'm in the shower he runs around the house screaming and crying yelling he is going to pee himself. But when I stop what I'm doing wrap a towel around me and let him go, he doesn't even potty. Its just like a tinkle if that. Then says oh guess I didn't have to go. That's becoming an everyday thing. It seems like the nicer I am to him the worse his behavior is. All positive rewards equal negative behavior that night from him. I've taken toys away to where he pretty much doesn't have anything left to take away. I don't know what to do anymore. I even try buying him a small reward and let him know if he can be good for a day he can get the reward, but he always does something at least one thing every day that's just outrageous and never gets the reward. I have him starting therapy for his behavior, but our next appointment isn't for another month and I don't know what to do with him until then. I don't know if I should just give him all his toys back and let him play regardless of his behavior since taking things away doesn't help anyway or if I should just continue making him grounded to his room everyday until he gets the hint which isn't working either nor is time outs when he does something wrong bc he will just go back to getting into stuff that night or even right after. My 5yo is starting to see the way he is acting and picking up on things too. I really don't want this spreading.... please if you have any advice on where I can start it would help.
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What do you like about this subject?  FROM COMBAT ZONE TO LOVE AT HOME has been recommended and used by family psychologist, Patricia Taylor of Houston, TX for blended families, children with ADD and ADHD. It is also recommended for those who Home School and offers an adaptation of “The Happy Face Token System” to be used at home, with the “Good Work Bucks” for Home School.
Something interesting about this subject that others may not know:  Did you know that girls start showing symptoms of PMS/PMDD up to 3 years prior to starting a period? Debbie has a great symptom charting experience included in her book.
Something controversial or provocative about this subject  Re-evaluate our thinking about rewarding children for doing "what they're supposed to do anyway. There is scriptural evidence that God wants us to serve Him with His rewards in view, not try to ignore His rewards and just serve Him because it's right to do so. "He who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him" Hebrews 11:6.
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User Comments
I will defiantly check that idea out. Thank you for some really great advice and thanks for answering so quickly!!
(Tracey on 06/25/09)
Thanks.
(Christine on 04/17/09)
Thank you so much for your wonderful advice! I am so glad you are a Christian and can offer a Christian perspective! I will check into your website an
(Gena on 04/16/09)
Right now we have a reminder in the bathroom (which she likes) and she gets a star for each day she has clean underwear. If she can do this for 2 week
(Jodi on 03/12/09)
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Answer


From Combat Zone to Lo
Hi Tracey,
Parenting is a challenging Calling isn't it? It can be a daunting experience especially when our children are struggling.

The description of always being thirsty and going to the bathroom makes me wonder if he could be diabetic.  Have you had his blood sugar tested?  Blood sugar levels, high or low, can cause serious behavior issues as well as medical issues.

He could also be going through a growth spurt and hungry.  It sounds like something is happening.  Why is he awake in the middle of the night?  Has he always had these behavior issues or has it just been lately since school's out?

While you are waiting for his next appointment with the Dr, you might want to try using the Happy Face Token System and see what kind of results you get.

If his behavior is one he can control, you will see it immediately with this system.  If it a medical issue you will be able to see that as well because the way the rewards are earned have everything to do with what motivates a child to behave.  It is a unique counter-intuitive token system that helps the child achieve amazing transformations in a relatively short period of time.  It is by its nature repetitive in its teaching method and consistency is a built in factor on the parenting side.  It sounds like you try hard to be consistent and are conscientious in trying different methods to confront the behavior issues.

The reward list is built around things your children do that drive us crazy!  For instance, your child likes to eat so you could put
"have an extra snack" on the list.  That is what he likes.  You put the price of 20 tokens (that's what you need to let him have the extra snack).  The number set is just a number but the higher the number, the less you want him to do that thing, the lower the number, the less you care if he does it.

He earns tokens based on what your family rules are.  These rules are what you always wanted but never get.  Things like, come the first time I call, happily and cheerfully and ask what can I do for you Mommy?  Say Please and Thank you, be kind to one another, do something difficult or challenging that promotes family unity or self confidence.  

When you see him do anything positive, tell him what he did and say, you may have (2) happy face tokens.  He can earn all day long.  Then he uses these tokens to cash in for an extra snack etc.  He can also lose tokens which motivates behavior as well.  

I was a frustrated mother and tried everything before I finally had Divine help to develop this system.  It lasted over 10 years in my home and we are now teaching our Grandchildren the system.

I guarantee you will get amazing results or your money back (30 days unconditional refund).

Check out my web site and look for an allexpert logo for a special price.

Good luck, Debbie Preece

 http://foodallergyassistant.blogspot.com/

  Attention & Learning Disorders Center

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), sometimes called attention deficit disorder (ADD), involves hyperactivity, difficulty paying attention and a tendency to act impulsively. Learning disorders involve problems with writing, math or reading (the best known of which is dyslexia). Oppositional defiant disorder is a related condition in which children oppose authority.

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